Sunday, December 28, 2008

Parliament is in an Election Way

Oh no, Parliament!

With Globe & Mail strategist Scott Reid predicting a possible election in as few as nine months, we honestly can't say that we didn't kind of see this coming. An election is always joyful news when Parliament has decided it is ready to have one, but unplanned elections -- eesh. This all could have been prevented with some minority government control. Shame on you, Stephen Harper. Everyone knows that pulling out doesn't work!

Of course, one strategist prediction does not an election make. Maybe the house should consider pissing on a few other strategists and see what they say. But let's assume the worst. Canada's been having elections left, right, and centre (mostly right) lately; we are poised to burst out into a chorus of Every Confidence Vote Is Sacred. But if we were responsible, we would at least use the rhythm method or something to keep these elections at bay until we could afford them. Elections are expensive, and what with the economic downturn at all, now is really not an optimal time. A federal election held right now would be an unhappy one, poorly neglected, and so ugly that even the social workers wouldn't take it away from us. We're all too busy cooing over our neighbour's beautiful recent election. (Really, isn't that Obama just the cutest thing?)

It's really too bad that we can't enjoy this election and celebrate the miracle of democracy. Ours is a particularly sweet brand (usually). Isn't it great that we can just dissolve the government whenever we -- well, okay, our MP(P)s -- want and elect a new one? Isn't it great that we don't have to sit around grumbling for four-plus years when our elected leader is being a huge douchebag? Maybe the current situation isn't the best example, but pretend it was a year or two ago and think about what your answer would have been. Jon Stewart certainly was impressed by it.

Now is the shitty-depressing-time-immediately-after- Christmas of our discontent, yes. But not all is lost. It is not too late to have a coalition government and terminate this election, if only we can get past the (apparent) moral issues. This could all be just a bad memory of a dumb mistake, and hopefully a lesson learned about making sure we practice safe minority governments. Canada, keep in mind that this is merely a rough patch. If we hold tight for a bit, we too may produce a shining beacon of a leader around whom we can all rally, an Obama to end our Bush administration. A knight in shining armour who won't get our country in trouble and then try to kick us down the stairs when they find out.

I'm just sayin' ... if I were a bettin' woman ...

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